How I long for just ordinary days.
Days where the little things are what counts.
Days where one can pause and smell the flowers.
Days where you naturally wake up.
Days where food is enjoyed and not stuffed.
Days when hot coffee can be sipped at one’s pace.
Days where walking nowhere becomes the norm
Days of the little joys filling your life.
Making it our destiny to live ordinary days.
Death is something everyone will experience at least once in your life, because it is part of life. Everyone is destined to die one day. And dealing with death of someone beloved, is different for everyone. Some cry, others evade, and all would agree that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
I lost three close family/friends in the crazy 2020 year. I first lost my grandfather to old age. Then my father to pancreatic cancer. Finally, my boss, Chi, who was like a big sister and mentor, to lung cancer. Losing three people in one year, people thought I would go crazy. Thankfully I didn’t. However, I dived into work. The day after my grandfather and father passed away, I went into work and didn’t take a break. The day that my boss, Chi, passed away, I went into work and took over one of her job. Sound crazy right? But it helped. As I mentioned, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
What did I learn from all this? Life moves on, unfortunately. Yes, people will come up to you to say I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, there will be the awkward hugs (or during COVID time, air hugs/virtual hugs). Learn to accept it all and move forward.
Life moves on. But your grief, does not. Instead you need to learn to move forward with it. It hurts when you think of those who have left. It’s not fair when you’re told to move on, it’s not as easy as closing a book to be done with.
So we move forward. You take your grief and have it propel you forward. Don’t forget about your grief, hold on to it and move forward. You will see that your life will be so much more meaningful. Your empathy will grow since you have learned to deal with this grief. Grief doesn’t only come with pain, it partners with happiness since you shared wonderful memories with the one you lost. You are who you are today because they helped shape who you are. You see, grief is the price we pay for love.
I will not lie and say it becomes easier as time moves on. If anything, there are moments of weakness when grief drowns you. But at the same time, grief will push you forward. That’s the funny thing about grief, it’s two-faced. One side will drown you and the other will propel you forward. You learn to juggle with grief. Pause in moments of sadness, gain your strength and move forward. Grief itself will not decrease, if anything life will increase and expand enough to allow room for others while grief continues forward with it.
Death is destined for all, there’s no escape. Death comes along with grief, everyone will experience it at least once in their life. So don’t move on, learn to move forward.
Dear 2020,
In the beginning we were hopeful.
Simply wishing for happiness and health.
Little did we know, deceit was soon to follow.
Isolation was demanded to be upon us within 3 months.
Quarantine, masks, social distancing made up our new world.
Quietly leading to the feeling of an apocalyptic end.
Not only did you bring the pandemic for confinement.
You brought several deaths, even those unaided by COVID-19.
Just when we needed physical touch the most, it was taken away.
Condolences were expressed a social distancing away.
As much as we wish to skip and hide 2020,
It will yet be a painfully memorable year.
We tightly held onto Faith to grit through the pain,
And learned to heal.
Only by experiencing what you define as “bad” can you learn to appreciate the “good”
We started to learn how to use technology in the right way.
We learned that a screen can divide yet connect us simultaneously.
We learned that compassion can be expressed even a social distance away.
We learned to appreciate the small pause in time we receive.
We learned how much a human touch can mean to a broken soul.
We learned that just a small breath of fresh air can vitalize us.
We learned that the sun’s warmth can give the hug you needed.
We learned that Faith gives us a chance to go on.
We learned what gives us Life and what it truly means to live.
So, 2020, as much pain as you brought, we appreciate the precious lesson that was gifted.
Sincerely yours,
Just a Thankful Human
The year 2020 has brought me pain three times.
My grandfather passed away in March 2020. His death was sudden and we did not know how to act. He didn’t even have a fighting chance. Although it was quick, I believe he had a good life and can now rest peacefully.
Then the pandemic came and quarantine was placed. We had time as a family to grieve and spend time together.
It was short. Then…
A month later, in April, we find out that my father was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer. The pandemic kept my father in the hospital fighting alone. He was in and out of the hospital week after week. My family just kept praying.
We could see him weakening as the time passed by. I felt the most helpless. I felt scared. I couldn’t control what was happening.
I held on to faith, the only thing that kept me going. Then….
In June, he passed away. My dear fighter, my dear Daddy, my stronghold, how I love you and miss you. You fought your fight and can now rest peacefully.
The summer went by as a blur. Kept my head busy in work and continued to live my life.
My dear mentor, boss, who was like my big sister, the one that kept me going, kept me busy. She herself was diagnosed with lung cancer in April 2019. She was the fighter that I looked to. Even through her diagnosis, she tried to live a normal life.
Working and playing through it all. Then…
In September, she passed away. I felt like someone just pulled a rug under me and I fell hard. I stayed lying down, hurting. All the pain just came rushing in.
I felt my two mountains that I leaned on suddenly disappeared. My training wheels were suddenly taken and was left to learn to ride without help.
My fighters were gone.
My two main role models were gone.
As it pains me to say, life keeps going.
I was told to always keep my smile, I promise I will.
I cannot do it alone but in Faith, I will.
I will be brave,
I will continue to live.
For my fighters,
I promise.
Dear 2020,
I see my last post as a young hopeful for the year 2020,
Simply wishing for happiness and health.
Little did I know, the deceit was soon to come.
In less than half a year, I was duped into the worst year.
Isolation was demanded to be upon us within 3 months.
Quarantine, mask, social distancing made up our new world.
Quietly leading to the feeling of an apocalyptic end.
Not only did you bring a virus for confinement.
You brought two deaths in the family unaided by COVID-19.
Just when I needed physical touch the most, it was taken away.
Condolences were expressed a social distancing away.
As much as I wish to skip and hide 2020,
it will yet be a painfully memorable year.
Thanks for the memories, 2020.
Goodbye.
Dear 2020,
As I sat there saying goodbye to 2019, I look forward to 2020 with hopeful eyes.
It is not my main hope to have more money this year.
It is also not my hope to thrive in my career.
Nor is it my wish to find true love.
This year I put all my wish on health and happiness.
I wish health and happiness for my friends and family.
Please, that’s the only thing I ask for this year.
Please be good to us all 2020.
I’m hanging on.
On a thin thread of hope.
Hope wrapped around Faith.
Faith keeps me going.
Going to safe haven.
Haven of peace.
Peace to persevere.
Persevere to fight.
Fight to believe.
Believe that things will be well.
Well, it’s Hope.
Dear little one,
You never got the chance.
Just 10 weeks of life and it’s done.
I’m sorry I didn’t fight hard enough for you.
You swiftly came and went.
Tasting drops of the cravings of the world.
Yet never got the chance to breathe in life.
With a few days of happiness,
Goodbye knocked on the door and closed forever.
Bye Bye Baby.
Dear Mentor,
I chose you to be my mentor for all the right reasons.
You’re the superwoman in my eyes.
The woman who has all the ideas,
the one who gets all the goals.
You taught me how to reach for the stars.
You’re the reason why I wasn’t afraid to attain them.
You kind heartily took me under your wing.
You showed me how to enter the real working world.
I realized you were my training wheels.
My training wheels days are slowly coming to an end as you prepare me for the next level.
I know I’m not ready but you push me to be.
I trust all that you say and do.
You’re the big sister that I never had.
You’re my mentor forever and ever.
It scares me to see you weak but I’ll be strong for you.
It is my turn to take care of you.
In a world filled with water,
We have to learn to swim.
Learn to swim in order to fight against
waves of Anger, Fear, Anxiety, Confusion and Sadness.
Fight to glide into
waves of Joy, Excitement, and Triumph.
Then float onto calm waters of Awe.
This is Life.
My Days 